Aug 01 2008
The Importance of Homework in Divorce Mediation
Early Stage Divorce Mediation requires information gathering by couples between sessions with their mediator. Without reliable data identifying and valuing the property to be divided and the budgets of wife and husband going forward, it’s impossible to make good decisions about property division and the need, if any, for spousal maintenance.
At the end of the first mediation session, it is my practice to distribute financial and budget forms for completion outside the mediation room. The financial forms ask for the details of bank accounts and balances, securities & investments, real estate, life insurance, privately held businesses, retirement accounts, cars & boats, and other personal property. I also ask couples to bring in 2-3 years of Income Tax returns as well as a recent pay stub listing gross and net income on whatever basis employers compensate husband and/or wife.
The budget forms are designed to jump start the couple in estimating their monthly living expenses under two roofs instead of one. They break out individual expenses as well as expenses related to the children of the marriage.
Couples interested in pursuing early stage mediation with a mediator often ask me if they should be doing some of this preparation on their own before coming to see me. That’s usually not necessary or desirable in my opinion. I typically don’t need to see the results of this homework until the third session in mediations where there are children involved. That’s because my typical agenda begins with a parenting plan outlining the residential schedule of the children as well as how decisions about the children will be made.
Doing homework outside the mediation process is also risky in cases in which the couple does not communicate well or one party holds all the cards. For example, if a husband has traditionally handled the finances and the wife is unsophisticated about the money side of the marriage, homework done by the husband may be devalued in the wife’s eyes.
It’s important that the mediator have the opportunity to assess how decisions in the marriage are made before the homework is assigned. That way, the mediator can parcel out the homework so that the results will be accepted by both parties. For example, an impartial third party accountant can be brought in to value a business owned by the couple and operated by the husband or wife.
In the case of the wife without financial experience, she can be charged with obtaining an appraisal or market analysis of the family home. This serves the need of the mediator that the wife be engaged and empowered in the mediation process as well as the wife’s need to become more knowledgeable about the property to be divided in the divorce.