Oct 16 2008
Early Stage Divorce Mediation During Economic Downturns
People often ask me if divorces are seasonal as if calls for my services as a mediator wax and wane with the moon. The answer is a qualified “yes.” My take is that couples contemplating divorce would rather put it off during family orientated times of the year such as summer and the Holiday Season.
January and September, on the other hand, seem to bring with them a resolve that now is the time to face up to the implications of living apart and raising children in two households. They are “get down to business” times of the year when many people decide to divorce.
What about going through a divorce in bad and uncertain economic times such as we’ve encountered during the past month or so? Do couples defer divorces during economic downturns so they don’t have to face decreased valuations of houses and 401K retirement plans? Most people I know with money in the stock market don’t even open their statements when they know the news will be bad. For those couples contemplating divorce, the prospect of splitting up a smaller pie of assets may lead to avoidance, “gutting it out” even though the marriage is over for all intents and purposes.
That may be a mistake if there is any truth to Billy Joel’s “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant.” “They started to fight when the money got tight, and they just didn’t count the tears.”[1]
For those who have tried marriage counseling unsuccessfully and want to move on with their lives while preserving dignity and important relationships, a better solution is to consider early stage divorce mediation.
Most of my divorce mediations are conducted in a conference room with only the divorcing couples present. Couples do a lot of the information gathering on assets, debts, and post-divorce budgets. If they need outside help such as financial experts to value businesses or lawyers to coach on legal issues, couples access this help between sessions and bring the information back to our sessions to help them better negotiate fair outcomes.
The result is an efficient and economic process that is all the more valuable in difficult economic times. The mediator manages the mediation, helping the couple identify the issues and relevant information and then move through negotiations on how to best parent their children, split the assets of the marriage, and provide for needed financial support for a spouse. The divorcing couple, who know their situation the best, makes these important decisions collaboratively in the informal environment of a conference room. The mediator writes up their agreements that form the basis for a Separation Agreement.
At the end of the day, couples don’t part mortal enemies in mediations I’ve been privileged to facilitate. They are practiced in how to make and implement important decisions about their kids collaboratively. And, an added bonus when money is tight, my mediation clients avoid expensive litigation, leaving more in the pot to split up.
[1] Schultz, “Ugly economic times can lead to ugly divorces,” Forbes (July 15, 2008)