Kane Law & Divorce Mediation Services - Kirkland/Bellevue/Issaquah/Redmond/Seattle

When married couples in the Seattle-Bellevue area contact me to inquire about what early stage divorce mediation looks like, they are usually motivated by (1) saving money, (2) fear of lawyers/legal fees, and (3) the desire to maintain a good relationship with their spouse.  They are also, by and large, “can do” people who are willing to do “homework” between sessions to keep down costs.

This concern about costs runs the gamut from the Microsoft executive and small business owners to young couples who have much financial stress in their lives.  My mission and message is to be as efficient as possible in helping couples address all the issues that need to be determined to parent well in separate households, split community property fairly, and meet their agreed post-divorce budgets. 

Efficiency means using every minute of our two hour sessions to move through the prearranged agenda with a laser-like focus.  Efficiency also means assigning homework to couples to complete between mediation sessions.  A third aspect of an efficient mediation is referring mediation clients to other professionals for al a carte services between mediations.  Finally, a good divorce mediator is attentive to managing emotionally charged exchanges between spouses during sessions.  I am quick to remind my clients that it takes at least 30 minutes to calm down after an emotional exchange—and that ½ hour, which the clients are paying for, is largely wasted.

 This mediator uses Progress Notes sent out after each mediation session to propose an agenda for the next meeting, e.g., completion of a parenting plan, discussion of child support, valuation of community assets and liabilities.  Usually, the homework (e.g., create individual post-divorce budgets, will track the agenda items.  Thus, the clients have time to prepare for each session and we don’t lose time in unfocused conversation. That being said, the Progress Notes always emphasize that the spouses’ agenda items trump the mediator’s.  Often, there is something important that has “just come up.” We never ignore or delay urgent decision-making.

Referring mediation clients to outside professionals recognizes that divorce mediators are not “universal experts.” Often, spouses want to know what a judge might do about spousal maintenance or property division issues.  I keep a list of family law lawyers who are willing to “coach” clients behind the scenes so they can better negotiate on their own behalf.  Or the need might be for a financial analyst to educate a spouse about the long-term financial impact of various property splits or spousal maintenance options. Whatever the a la carte need, an experienced mediator will help find the professional to help the clients make fully informed decisions.

Managing client emotions during divorce mediation takes good observational skills and conflict management experience. Typically clients calm down more quickly with the reminder that the financial costs increase when the discussions get “hot and heavy.”  Reminding clients that “saving money” is an important reason they are at the mediation table in the first place is a powerful antidote to wasted time.

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